So. Here we are.
I’ve drunk a bottle of Nodus Tollens syrah, and might be a teeny bit dwumk. Is a good drop, the old Nodus Tollens. A light and fruity wine, with not too much bite. Good name, too – from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, a dictionary of invented words for emotions that we don’t have the words to express. Nodus Tollens is defined as “the realisation that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre”.
And tell me that that doesn’t fucking resonate right now.
For the last two years, we’ve been besieged by a global pandemic. We’ve been in lokdown, working from home, cancelling social events, staring at people through Zoom and Skype and Facetime. We’ve cancelled weddings, we’ve lost or changed jobs, we’ve postponed holidays, we’ve gained weight and lost fitness. Who saw that plot twist coming?
And now most of Australia’s East coast is underwater. Fifteen people have died, and thousands have lost their homes, belongings, pets or livestock. Who saw that plot twist coming? Well, ok, most of us knew that climate change meant an increase in extreme weather events, like storms and bushfires and “rain bombs” and hurricanes. The current flooding nightmare is an entirely predictable result of repeatedly electing right-wing governments and listening to right-wing media outlets.
Scotty from Marketing and Clive Fucking Palmer have Covid. So not all plot twists are bad.
And then there’s the big news. You might have heard: it’s a bit Insane in the Ukraine*. A short, insecure psychopath has struggled to get over a breakup. Only in this case it was the breakup of the Soviet Union. And instead of going on a sex and alcohol bender like a normal dysfunctional male, the Kremlin Gremlin is going on a rampage bombing civilian houses, churches, administrative buildings and nuclear power stations in Ukraine. It looks like he thought the Ukies would just roll over like a puppy play-fighting with a bigger dog. It looks like he seriously miscalculated Ukrainian opposition to invasion. And so we see little old ladies taunting armed soldiers with sunflower seeds. We’re seeing teachers and accountants making Molotov cocktails and petrol bombs. And learning to fire guns.
But the resolve, courage and bravery of the Ukrainian people is perhaps best embodied by their President, Volodymyr Zelenskyy. When Biden offered to help him flee the country, he quipped “I don’t need a ride, I need ammunition”. Zaddy Zelenskyy has been clear from the beginning of this conflict: Ukraine is an independent state, Ukrainians will oppose the invasion, and he will stand with them through thick and thin. Pretty ballsy for a guy who used to play the piano with his penis as part of his comedy routine.
Courage isn’t unique to Ukrainians, though. Even though we’ve seen what happens to people who oppose Putin – look at Nemtsov, Politkovskaya or Litvinenko for starters – thousands of Russian have taken to the street in protest against the Ukrainian invasion. Incredibly brave. I can’t help wondering how many protesters will ‘disappear’. But I also can’t help being overwhelmed with admiration for them.
And while Putin’s temper tantrum was predictable – anyone who had followed his career and his actions in Chechnya, Syria, and Crimea knew What was coming, even if they didn’t know When. It was predictable, sure, but even then – did anybody seriously expect to be on the brink of World War Three now? Is this how any of us saw the plot of our lives going?
Nodus Tollens teaches us that our free will and control is limited – we make decisions and influence the course of our lives, without doubt – but ultimately existence is a complicated, swirling maelstrom of happenings beyond our control. In the end, we have to look at the long arc of our lives and make whatever choices we can to better ourselves, our friends and families, and our world.
But also, we can carve No Fate on a wooden table, get drunk and eat cheese. If we can play with boobs as well, so much the better.
Boobs are great.
–
* Yes I know it’s just Ukraine and calling it ‘the Ukraine’ is a Russian thing and terrible and bad but c’mon – Insane in Ukraine doesn’t have the right flow, it doesn’t have the right cadence.