Hello people. This may come as a complete surprise and thing. But I’m a bit drunk. Like all the drunk. But that’s because of wine.
Yeah so anyway there’s a pandemic right. And Dan says we probly can’t get to zero. So everyone’s saying like “Ohh, we’re giving up. Given up!” and like, yes and no. Because yes, we’re facing reality that this Delta not Goodrem strain is a liddle bit harder to beat than the OG. But no, because when the virus throws a Delta at you ya gotta throw a bitch ass move back. Which means holding the line. Staying home. Not making Shitty Choices™.
But why, I don’t hear you say over the internets. Because, I reply, we gotta keep the numbers as low as possible. The lower the bet – fuck this shit is hard to do when drunk – lower the better. Because ICU (But not if you see me first hah ah ahah ahhahha aha ICU sounds like I see you… yeah) because we’ve got plenty of ICU beds, I gather, but the problem is the staff. People are human people and people get tired, exhausted, worn out. Especially ICU people who are dealing with the awfulness that is covid. See thing is, right, the thing about ICU is it’s usually what we (who? I dunno) call a Short Stay Accommodation. People are usually in ICu a day or two or three. Then they GTFO outta there into Bog Standard Hospital wards. But Covid, she don’t like, that kinda behaviour. She’s in there for the Long Haul. Covid is to ICU like Eddie Maguire is to the national mediascape – you can’t get rid of the fucker.
So yeah covid patients are in ICu for weeks, sometimes months. Which means the beds fill up but more importantly the nurses burn out, he doctors run out of speedballs and PEOPLE DIE GODS DAMMIT. That’s what it’s all about – keeping people alive, keeping nurses sane, keeping doctors high. If that don’t happen then society collapses or somefink.
I watched a really fun film tonight. It’s a hundred years old but it was still good. Some Like It Hot. It’s got mobsters and musicians and millionaires with yachts and it’s got Marilyn Monroe’s tiddies almsot falling out of her top. This isn’t related to anything at all I just wanted to share because boobs are really great, y’know? Like they shouldn’t be – they’re just flesh. But they’re really really NICE flesh, y’know? And there’s so much variety! There’s big bazongas and itty bitty tiny tiddies and they’re all Aboslultely Fucking Beautiful. But they don’t get no statue. Nobody ever names it the Tits Are Fucking Wonderful Stadium. No, it’s just “eww, we can see your nip nips don’t breastfeed here”. Fuck off with your puritan boob-phobic, sex-negative bullshit.
So yeah pandemic right. Get a fucking vaccine. Like, it’s not hard – ok yes it can be hard because our beloved prime marketer has Royally Fucked The Vaccine Rollout up. But you should still try. And rememnber the camera advice applies to vaccines. Y’know, the camera advice. Which camera is the best camera? The one you have with you. The best vaccine is the one you get shoved into your hot muscular bicep you sexy libidinous horn dog.
Call your family. Talk to a friend. Look out for yourself, then look out for your loved ones.
Masturbate.
Wear sunscreen. Eat cheese if you’re not lactose intolerant, eat cheese even if you are. Be excellent to each other.
Party the fukc on, dudes. I love wine